And that was March...

I've just copied this straight from my Simple Savings post. I hope that is OK, personally it is very frank - and more will come. But it is a record of the moment, and right now - I don't know how else to say it. I did disappear from the SS world, and I may have to again - but nothing really makes sense - so that is that.


So - the infamous disappearance. I shall keep it as brief as poss, coz it wasn't very nice and has a loooong involved background. And it will waffle twist and turn - but it will be a real long 'brief' report. I also dont feel this is the best forum for such a discussion; and DS17 is a 'special' lad - but that is no excuse. As mentioned, he had been beaten by the ferals and had his fingers broken and was in a cast. We knew he would have trouble dealing with it - he had never really been beaten before and we felt that he would not take it on board as a 17 yo would, more the 'thats not fair' as an 8 yo may be inclined to think.

Anyways, he reacted in a way never done before ~ and the usual "ds17" action plan did not work. He physically lashed out at me, king-hitting me in the head with his casted hand, threw me across a room a few times (he is 6'8", I am about 5'6" and under 50kg), kicked me, punched me, beat me quite savagely, twisted my wrists and arm and more - then effectively held DS8 'hostage' as a means firstly that he couldn't be made to leave the house, then tried to drag DS8 out the door with him. So, understandably, it was a very frightening & painful expereince - involved the police, hospital, psych, court, an intervention order and his removal from the house. I guess it is a case of you hurt the ones you love because they love you - but there was no support for him and I will not accept that behaviour from anyone, especially not in my family home.

While I could understand people who do not know DS17, us and the history of his behaviours and disorders saying drop him, leave him, forget about him; and I will not have him in the house without an adult male on the property, I was not about to leave him to fend for himself - because realisitically he could not. Emotionally, this is an 8yo. When he 'calmed' down, all he wanted to do was play Lego with his brother and did not understand why he had to sit outside. It has taken several weeks of beaurocratic BS but I did daily have to 'take on' child & family services to have him in safeish accommodation while we found a suitable private rental. And furniture, food, money/income...

Obviously there is a lot more involved; and I personally will be lobbying for changes to crisis support services as the reoccuring reasons for cafs etc being unable to assist was he did not fit neatly into a category. He was not an abusive father; he was not a mother with childrent fleeing violence. And apparantly this is not an isolated type of situation, in most cases, cafs 'force' the parents to take the child back home through guilt or pity. Forgive & forget. He still feels that is should be ok for him to come over/come home because 'it will never happen again' but that is not the point.

DS8 has had counselling now, school were in the loop and provided support, WRISC was involved and certainly helped beyond its own guidelines, as did Community Health and other agencies - but the one legislatively bound and funded to assist would not as all the boxes did not cross they way they had to; nor did he fit into the categories they had and it was too hard to think outside the square.

So - that is it in a real short version. I am still very robotic, shocked and 'administrative' mode on this - but have had several phone counselling sessions, but right now, today ~ just too tired, mentally and physically to work out what needs to happen next. I do have to have him charged, best now as a minor too. He seems to acknowledge certain parts of the 'incident' but cannot understand why it is deemed so bad. Especially when he has seen no action taken on his behalf when he was beaten. Nor was action taken when he was beaten by his 'original' father (DH is his Dad, ask him).

I konw you will understand when I say I am sick and tired of revisiting it ~ I have barely had time to process the impact on me yet. Too busy keeping both boys safe - and yes, I do still love my DS17, and I am helping him with independent living skills, job readiness and applying for work - but he himself is having trouble understanding and sometimes I don't want to be near him.

I will diarise on my blog - just not this week, and probably not next week. There is still so much to finalise. I am seeking some personal respite opportunities and trying to get DH to undertake some counselling as he is just so angry and that too is understandable as he was not home to protect us; and he is as gob-smacked at how little support there is for special needs young people. I have lost two people I thought were friends, my choice, because they insist the only option is to drop DS17 like a hot potato; bagging me, berating me for even speaking to him - and one friend has known him and the problems he has/behaviour traits for almost 10 years. That upset me plenty. One girlfriend in my life who has more right than others to walk away and call me a fool as been so very supportive, empathetic and at beck and call when needed. DS17 needs some serious help, re-teaching and re-training with life skills. And hopefully you too see that I am not condoning his behaviour, because I do not and will not.

My VBGF said, as have DH and I, we knew something 'tragic' would come one day, we just did not expect the violence, the entrapment and the physical line it travelled. She wishes she was here to help - not just me, but DS17 as well. THAT is a true friend and someone who knows DS since birth. There is more, and I have certainly said it better previously to others, but hopefully that gives you some insight as to why I could not 'play' over the last few weeks!

You guys have been my sanity, my normality, my rock. There are a few who know a lot more details, others who will be reading more than I have said to them previously through email or facebook or msn. But hey - there are lots of 'bright sides' to this ~ but here is not the medium, nor the time for me to go into the whole story.

Well, pick your jaws up off the floor. Smile, because I am! I can say, while this is ONE of the worst things that has ever happened to me, it is not the worst, but is up there in the Top5! Bruising is all but gone now - just left with some of the mental anguish! I cant really vent in the SS forum more than what I have here and now and, honestly, I don't want to. DS17 is still my sweet loving giant of a son, he is just so screwed up and feels so let down by everyone, including himself. And I don't care what anyone elses opinion or thoughts are - I am still going to be there to help him, support him and guide him into adulthood as best I can - and many people just would not 'get' that.

These things are sent to test us - that's line I've heard over and over for so many of the 'tests' my life has been given. Surely I have passed! But somehow, I think me - a ballsy strong willed woman - will have many more tests to face. Hopefully, although doubtfully, they will get easier ~ but I am still here, still smiling and still of a truely, honestly positive mindset that positive change and outcomes will alway occur to balance the negatives!

Personally, I fear I have said too much and will happily edit, delete if required. But this type of incident is happening all around the country and socially / communally we need to take blinkers off, or at least be aware that this story is not unique (unfortunately).

So - there you have it! Not much more I can or will say. Hope you understand. But I am back, a little more in the back seat for a while, but I am back.


Oh - and in for April!! Definately still in the No Spend mode - at least through all of this with the barrage of expenses incurred (and being repaid) No Spend certainly made life a little more smooth as there was cash at hand for emergency moments and bonds, rents and food for two households!

Thanks guys, hope no one is too distressed or upset in hearing all that - not the intention; but the youth of today need so much more help than before becuase games, screens and materialism seems to have brought a reduction to respect, good role models and many boundaries that used to be the norm.

Love to all (and thanks again for listening, and your care and support)