Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Happy House is on the television...

For those not on FaceBookSimple Savings or any other network ~ there is a documentary on SBS tonight which I have a rather substantial involvement.

Readers of Meanderings have had the benefit of hearing some of the events as they occurred ~ and now it is going to be on television.  Tonight actually.  Nothing like last minute notice hey?!

The House of Food Obsessives ~ or 'Happy House' as I've call it ~ starts this evening at 830pm.  Those in Australia will be able to see it ~ not sure about the rest of the world as yet, although I believe it will be viewable on the SBS website from Thursday and will confirm this once known.

That's really all we wanted to share. 
Goodness knows if it is sensationalised, edited out of context or an absolutely brilliant portrayal of the events and learnings as they occurred... We shall all find out together *grins*

Regardless ~ it was a very positive experience for me, certainly has helped in many ways and while very much steered to the overweight, over eaters it is an area I am continuing to explore, develop and follow. I am not too concerned about others interpretation because there is no way the outcomes from 5 months of filming will be well reflected in two hours of air time ~ just know there is a lot more involved that what you end up seeing. It's been such a wonderful experience and is going to be shared further in time.

For those of you who would like to know why we are so quiet on this blog of late ~ much of the focus has been on Mands On A Mission and I am torn as to which blog the information needs to be placed.  I love the chitter/chatter here but I need to get my home/life in order to find and maintain any balance or progressions forward for me, mine and the whole family. 

OK ~ on with the show....

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

We'll just call it something...

There should always be something fun to do... 

What a stupid day.
Made some big commitments due to lack of activity today too. We did have a late night, but no more. Giving up on late nights, giving up the apathy, getting rid of the mess. We will be hiring a dumper bin as soon as the rainy, humid, stormy weather eases back.  Three days of this cruddy weather is forecast!

Does it seem ridiculous that, at 40 something *grins*, I feel like I need to re-learn how to manage or structure a day? A week? I certainly know the theory, its the putting into practice I seem to be failing dismally. It's like while the last few years have been a bit of a blur of pain, meds, agony, depression, surgery, change and all that - why can't I find that whatever that used to enable me to rise at 630, open my eyes and administer coffee by 700 before starting the day properly.

I don't like my now. It's boring, repetitive and unproductive. Every night I go to sleep with ideas of change, how it can be implemented. I wake up - and cant be bothered. I have little or no energy, I am eating, but there is no sparkle or highlight to drive me. And little encouragement from the sidelines. Of course, from the outside it would usually look and sound like it is not needed. I think I need someone with a cattle prod to encourage and motivate me. 

Like I said - there are changes being made - not always consistently, not always successfully - but there is much change. I need to find my inner drill sergeant and step to it. To quote "it looks like I've picked the wrong week to give up cigarettes" ~ but no week will ever be the perfect one will it? *sighs*  Onward and upward - tomorrow...

You were always welcome
You always were there
I thought that I needed you
With me everywhere
But ultimately you only
Ever brought me down
You used all my money
Made my life unsound

Oh to throw you out, to give you away
I like you around me, I want you to stay
But you are the poison bringing me down
I feel so much better when you're not around

Since I can remember
You've been here with me
Inside me, beside you
It's time to break free
There's memories you've taken
So false, they are yours
When the cloud haze fades
They're the ones to ignore

So please don't come knocking
Back at my door
No calls on the mobile
I want you no more
As much as I love you
And wish we could play
You're all too controlling
Far away you must stay

Actually thrown you out, I gave you away
Can't have you around me, still others can stay
Found you were the poison, pushed me to the ground
I feel so much better when you're not around

Breathing the air
Clean, fresh and true
No more of the smoke screen
Set up by you
Singing a new song
Comes up from the heart
While I still want you
I've made a new start

Don't forget to visit Mands on a Mission ~ the family effort to ditch debt, save some and grow our own. Enjoy

Been thinking...

It's late...
It's always late. And I am awake with thoughts, words and musings racing around in my head. Sometimes, when Husband has fallen asleep on the couch or the laptop is not in the bedroom, I can do something with all the chatter and it quietens. 

Tonight I've caught up on Mands on a Mission - the journey of debt and its reduction! Actually its more than just the debt, its the actions we take to lower a cost and stretching things between shops so our incoming are more than our outgoings. It's starting to get there - we are dealing with extraordinarily tight margins *grins*

And it is about the only thing that keeps me going some days - the belief that others are out there seeing the way we are coping when a lot more goes on - there seems to be little interest in others, but woe-be-tide if you're not providing the 'right' interest in someone else. I feel so very alone, useless, worthless - I don't even know what I am supposed to 'be' any more. Maybe I am supposed to say what the 'real' problems are with my rehab, my back, issues which have come from surgery, some errors, rah rah ~ but why, at the same time, can't it just be said this happened, still getting there, it's taking time and sometimes we need some help - and that be that? 

I am not disabled, never have been. Currently I have some restrictions and limitations and, unless you are my doctor, I know what I can, can't and won't do - regardless of whether you know someone who was back riding the tractor in 12 weeks, or light duties in 12 months, or doing a marathon in 6 months. Not me, not the same situation or circumstance, you didn't do the operation, you didn't have the operation, how can you make the statement that I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing. And if you think that, why not try to include me or encourage me rather than belittle and antagonise me? Oh I can beat myself up better than any enemy ever could *grins a little sad grin* 

I am now self employed - meaning my employer is me, I am working for me, on me, employing myself - if only in the sense I need to find purpose, direction and satisfaction in the activities of a full daily life. And part of that self struggle is accountability. I can't say how it will work - it's late. It's a thought.

I've been looking for a place where I can shine
For a home I can call mine
A measurement of time
Sometimes touching on the edges of a lie
From the corner of my eye
Expectations I could die

Feeling hopeless,
Feeling blue
Hurt and crushed, confused by you
Knowing now you used me too

I'm used to dancing in a way that I felt strong
Everyone could swing along
An orchestra of song
But infiltrated by the queen who must belong
Pushing through the throng
Without her all is wrong

Talking nothing
Talking true
Not sure just what to say or do
Needing to get out of you

So it's making use of the tools that come to hand
Build them into something grand
If only you understand
Digging deep into the dry soil of this land
Sing together as a band
Feeding water in by hand

Making it happen
Making it new
Finally escaping the grips of the ruin
Breaking free of the tight cocoon 

Go see the other blog - Mands On A Mission ~ hope you can help us and cheer us along *smiles gratefully*