Happy House is on the television...

For those not on FaceBook, Simple Savings or any other network ~ there is a documentary on SBS tonight which I have a rather substantial involvement.

Readers of Meanderings have had the benefit of hearing some of the events as they occurred ~ and now it is going to be on television.  Tonight actually.  Nothing like last minute notice hey?!

The House of Food Obsessives ~ or 'Happy House' as I've call it ~ starts this evening at 830pm.  Those in Australia will be able to see it ~ not sure about the rest of the world as yet, although I believe it will be viewable on the SBS website from Thursday and will confirm this once known.

That's really all we wanted to share. 

Goodness knows if it is sensationalised, edited out of context or an absolutely brilliant portrayal of the events and learnings as they occurred... We shall all find out together *grins*

Regardless ~ it was a very positive experience for me, certainly has helped in many ways and while very much steered to the overweight, over eaters it is an area I am continuing to explore, develop and follow. I am not too concerned about others interpretation because there is no way the outcomes from 5 months of filming will be well reflected in two hours of air time ~ just know there is a lot more involved that what you end up seeing. It's been such a wonderful experience and is going to be shared further in time.

For those of you who would like to know why we are so quiet on this blog of late ~ much of the focus has been on Mands On A Mission and I am torn as to which blog the information needs to be placed.  I love the chitter/chatter here but I need to get my home/life in order to find and maintain any balance or progressions forward for me, mine and the whole family. 

OK ~ on with the show....

We'll just call it something...

There should always be something fun to do... 

What a stupid day.

Made some big commitments due to lack of activity today too. We did have a late night, but no more. Giving up on late nights, giving up the apathy, getting rid of the mess. We will be hiring a dumper bin as soon as the rainy, humid, stormy weather eases back.  Three days of this cruddy weather is forecast!

Does it seem ridiculous that, at 40 something *grins*, I feel like I need to re-learn how to manage or structure a day? A week? I certainly know the theory, its the putting into practice I seem to be failing dismally. It's like while the last few years have been a bit of a blur of pain, meds, agony, depression, surgery, change and all that - why can't I find that whatever that used to enable me to rise at 630, open my eyes and administer coffee by 700 before starting the day properly.

I don't like my now. It's boring, repetitive and unproductive. Every night I go to sleep with ideas of change, how it can be implemented. I wake up - and cant be bothered. I have little or no energy, I am eating, but there is no sparkle or highlight to drive me. And little encouragement from the sidelines. Of course, from the outside it would usually look and sound like it is not needed. I think I need someone with a cattle prod to encourage and motivate me. 

Like I said - there are changes being made - not always consistently, not always successfully - but there is much change. I need to find my inner drill sergeant and step to it. To quote "it looks like I've picked the wrong week to give up cigarettes" ~ but no week will ever be the perfect one will it? *sighs*  Onward and upward - tomorrow...

You were always welcome

You always were there

I thought that I needed you

With me everywhere

But ultimately you only

Ever brought me down

You used all my money

Made my life unsound

Oh to throw you out, to give you away

I like you around me, I want you to stay

But you are the poison bringing me down

I feel so much better when you're not around

Since I can remember

You've been here with me

Inside me, beside you

It's time to break free

There's memories you've taken

So false, they are yours

When the cloud haze fades

They're the ones to ignore

So please don't come knocking

Back at my door

No calls on the mobile

I want you no more

As much as I love you

And wish we could play

You're all too controlling

Far away you must stay

Actually thrown you out, I gave you away

Can't have you around me, still others can stay

Found you were the poison, pushed me to the ground

I feel so much better when you're not around

Breathing the air

Clean, fresh and true

No more of the smoke screen

Set up by you

Singing a new song

Comes up from the heart

While I still want you

I've made a new start

Don't forget to visit Mands on a Mission ~ the family effort to ditch debt, save some and grow our own. Enjoy

Been thinking...

It's late...

It's always late. And I am awake with thoughts, words and musings racing around in my head. Sometimes, when Husband has fallen asleep on the couch or the laptop is not in the bedroom, I can do something with all the chatter and it quietens. 

Tonight I've caught up on Mands on a Mission - the journey of debt and its reduction! Actually its more than just the debt, its the actions we take to lower a cost and stretching things between shops so our incoming are more than our outgoings. It's starting to get there - we are dealing with extraordinarily tight margins *grins*

And it is about the only thing that keeps me going some days - the belief that others are out there seeing the way we are coping when a lot more goes on - there seems to be little interest in others, but woe-be-tide if you're not providing the 'right' interest in someone else. I feel so very alone, useless, worthless - I don't even know what I am supposed to 'be' any more. Maybe I am supposed to say what the 'real' problems are with my rehab, my back, issues which have come from surgery, some errors, rah rah ~ but why, at the same time, can't it just be said this happened, still getting there, it's taking time and sometimes we need some help - and that be that? 

I am not disabled, never have been. Currently I have some restrictions and limitations and, unless you are my doctor, I know what I can, can't and won't do - regardless of whether you know someone who was back riding the tractor in 12 weeks, or light duties in 12 months, or doing a marathon in 6 months. Not me, not the same situation or circumstance, you didn't do the operation, you didn't have the operation, how can you make the statement that I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing. And if you think that, why not try to include me or encourage me rather than belittle and antagonise me? Oh I can beat myself up better than any enemy ever could *grins a little sad grin* 

I am now self employed - meaning my employer is me, I am working for me, on me, employing myself - if only in the sense I need to find purpose, direction and satisfaction in the activities of a full daily life. And part of that self struggle is accountability. I can't say how it will work - it's late. It's a thought.

I've been looking for a place where I can shine

For a home I can call mine

A measurement of time

Sometimes touching on the edges of a lie

From the corner of my eye

Expectations I could die

Feeling hopeless,

Feeling blue

Hurt and crushed, confused by you

Knowing now you used me too

Butterflies

I'm used to dancing in a way that I felt strong

Everyone could swing along

An orchestra of song

But infiltrated by the queen who must belong

Pushing through the throng

Without her all is wrong

Talking nothing

Talking true

Not sure just what to say or do

Needing to get out of you

Butterflies

So it's making use of the tools that come to hand

Build them into something grand

If only you understand

Digging deep into the dry soil of this land

Sing together as a band

Feeding water in by hand

Making it happen

Making it new

Finally escaping the grips of the ruin

Breaking free of the tight cocoon 

Butterflies

Go see the other blog - Mands On A Mission ~ hope you can help us and cheer us along *smiles gratefully*

Bogged in the surrounding storms...

Yes ~ bit lax on the waffle and meanderings of late. Partly because there is 'action at the station' and I keep pretending things are going on with some normality while I struggle to stay awake some days ~ and stay awake with thoughts racing all night ~ but getting some de-cluttering of the home and head under way. Wishing it was going along faster ~ part of that is up to me as much as Husband, SmallBoy, others within life's travels. Feeling a bit stuck, more a loss of a sense of self-purpose. It's not like there is not heaps that needs to be done, the everyday and the must-dos, even lots of things I would like to be doing, some of those I'd enjoy doing. 

But nup ~ can't be bothered really, not sure what it is I'm supposed to be doing any way. Ask for help professionally - it gets under way, in time, eventually. Seek support from family and friends - some of them you don't need to ask, others you ask, beg even and get told of your uselessness, faults, flaws. Make change within yourself, communicating your aspirations and directions ~ to repeat the process, and communications again, again, again...

The time of Happy House was a super motivator, losing those contacts and key reminders has had a little negative impact - but also reinforced again that this action is something which is up to me. It's not about being 'happy' or finding 'happiness' but more about finding that inner self peace, a sense of self in a place of satisfaction and bringing that into each moment of every day creating improvement or providing obtainable self-challenges.  

As it is about to screen on television as part of Secrets and Lies on SBS documentary at the end of December, there are some promo pieces to view.  If you have FaceBook you can look at some promotion videos here : 

http://www.facebook.com/pages/House-Of-Food-Obsessives/152612314785370?v=wall&filter=1 

 

Life is a bit like today's weather ~ started warm, calm and reasonably sunny. As the day went on it seemed to cloud over slowly until suddenly the temperature dropped, the skies were layers of greys, blues and blacks, thunder rumbled and the rain just fell! An hour or two of mayhem and suddenly the sun was out, the skies were blue and all was quiet and warm again. Getting a little chilly again, but that's just outside *grins* It is all a bit extreme, but as real as the storms we been experiencing, I do feel like I am being thrown about in a storm which has many calms between each burst of chaos and wildness.

  

 

Spending a lot of time over at Mands On A Mission ~ we've taken almost $4000 off the debt in two months. What a big dent - especially when we only had around the same in income. It's been an effort, but worth it. Some changes will make it a little more easily managed, hopefully! Please come over and have a look. Love to see you if you've not had a visit.

Been wonderful chatting ~ must get things ready for SmallBoy's birthday, then Husband's Christmas work dinner, my sister's Dirty 30 party, another sister's birthday, an afternoon tea with friends and a Baby Shower ~ then I can think about Christmas!
Should have a week to show off the tree and decorations up before the Red Dude arrives...