Blah blah blah

Oh it is a case of the blahs...

I think I am sick and tired of aching, feeling sore and unable to function without pain medication. Actually, there ain't no thinking about it - I am sick of it.

I so thoroughly enjoyed myself at Powderfinger but I think if I had the choice again, I would not have gone. Since the show I feel like my legs are not connected properly. My right side is dragging and I hurt - all over. Heaps. I am sure part of this is my own fault, having not being as fit as I could be.

Anyway, if it helps in any way - a lot of changes have been put into place. Most to help get off these stupid pain medications but after 12 years, the pain memory imprint or whatever they call it, is so defined and I just don't know how to change it. Would it be possible to find some type of retreat where you are taken outside of your normal, away from your everyday to enable and empower positive change?

I am too tired to think about these things tonight. Even if there was something available - we can't afford it. Hell we can barely keep everything paid. I want to work, do something but there are mornings I can't even get up, out of bed - the cold here doesn't help - but days like yesterday when I am up, sparkly, doing the morning muck about, chatting to the SmallBoy and his mate who had stayed over. Lay back to rest my back and slept for six hours. What the??

Yes - part of the lethargy is due to not eating, poor eating - however its just not in the budget to afford the items I was able to purchase during the weight gaining months of Happy House. We can barely afford milk - how on earth can we buy yoghurt, or dips or even fresh, organic veggies? Heck I am at the point it is the scrap bin and perhaps I do need to go dumpster diving. But what if I hurt my back?

Oh it is a case of the sad sacks these last few days ~ part of it might be the removal of some drugs from the system, trying to get to all the therapy appointments and do all the exercises being put in place. And as the weather gets warmer, I know it will be easier and more comfortable that it is now. 

Up, down - highs, lows - good days, bad days - and the general apathy that can come along... I think I am just tired of hurting, seeing a glimmer of recovery and then get knocked for six. We notice an amazing difference in mobility and pain reduction when in the warmer states ~ seriously the difference is amazing and it is like the warmth seeps in and 'softens' the ache. 

These last few weeks I feel like I am teetering on a break-down or something. Changes mean I no longer have additional work online or the interactivity to keep me mentally stimulated, but the timing was right to finish up. I am so tired, sore and whenever I rest I end up sleeping for 4-6hrs - great but not in the middle of the day or afternoon because then I'm not sleeping until after midnight. 

I am not very good at managing my pain, there are probably some serious imprinted pain memory paths after 10years of leaning on an angle to alleviate pressure. Poor ~Mands!  Plus the blow to my psyche with the tirade from a former friend has made me realise this is a lonely journey.

Enough of the sooking ~ the only way is up and forward. Yippee

A few more from the Fairy Chronicles ~ I don't think these have appeared previously.

♒ Seeds of Change ♒ βყ ℳ∢η₫☡

It only takes a moment ☮

But once it's done, it's done

Be it experienced with others ❤

Or simply just as one ☺

As gentle as a quiet breeze

As destructive as a hurricane

Someone know its coming up ☯

Some things not seen the same

Yet once planted it can grow

No matter how explained ♫

It sprinkles down, along the ground

And feeds the seeds of change ✰

ℒΦϑє, ʆίφђϮ & ℐﻪ℧ჭɦʈeʁ

☮ ❤ ☺

♒ Peaceful ♒ βყ ℳ∢η₫☡

So quiet is the deep of night

It's gentle silence freeing

Void of light, ears sharpened

Hear Mother Nature breathing

Then little noises there & here

A mouse, a frog, a rabbit, an owl

Scuffles, sniffs & moving brush

A whoop, a squeal, a howl

The pitter-pat of rain & dew

Of distant calls from faery meetings

It's always peaceful late at night

When everyone is sleeping...

ℒΦϑє, ʆίφђϮ & ℐﻪ℧ჭɦʈeʁ

☮ ❤ ☺