Welcome to withdrawal...

Finally, after almost three years, I have stopped using the opiate patch Fentynl as part of my pain management programme - WOO HOO!!  So it is one foot forward - leading the way - going ahead - and enjoying each day!!


Anyone who has been on an extensive 'trip' of medication to alleviate pain will tell you that without the aid of some relief, life is hell.  Pain changes a person's ability to live, to cope, to smile and it happens all too often that one tries to 'push through' - well, having 'pushed through' for six years and then taking up the pain meds, patches and more to experience pain relief, the last 8months has been a progressive wean down to today with the removal of the patch. People who do not suffer debilitating pain will never believe it can stop you from your normal, they just think you are fake, weak or a burden. Sadly, those people leave your life in most cases.  Some, I just don't want back to be honest - especially when they take with no generous give without expectation, return or reward.  For those people - it is about them, even when it is not.  I choose to move forward ~ I have chatted with my doctor about this in great detail over many months, the pain, the 'friends', the losses and the gains.  Now the patches are off *oo-rah* we'll assess how it goes next week - but what a momentous occasion in my rehab & recovery.  Gee I feel tops - bar this niggling little headache * grins*



MyMan and I emailed each other today, simultaneously I might add, suggesting it might be a good time to stop and I spoke to my doctor on the phone who said as there is no lower dosage, its probably a great time to leave this one on for a few days longer and see how I feel when I see him next week.

I've been in the garden (yesterday) and put the little boys in their own enclosure - because they are hurting the gerls with their awkward attempts of . . . well . . . umm . . . you know *grins* juvenile antics.   Think they have dislocated Blackie's hip but she is moving about now and putting more weight on her leg.  Originally they were in quite a small box for three rowdy randy rooters *no, not a typo* but they have their own little run while 'waiting for the chicken lady' to collect them.  This is kiddie code for 'until I can chop their heads off for plucking and freezing'.  It's going to happen any day soon - just getting the axe sharpened, the pillows ready (to hang the dead bird in, away from other interested eaters) and a big big barrel for hot water dunking!

Here's todays quick, easy chicken dinner - using a few things from the pantry that one inevitably finds hiding up the back - its not bad actually, and the kids love it.

1-2 Chicken breast, cut into strips or cubes
1 teaspoon garlic powder 
1 tin of condensed cream of mushroom (or corn or cauliflower) soup 
1 tin (the empty tin from above soup) of milk 
3 cups of cooked rice   
2 cups broccoli (chopped) 
1 cup cheddar cheese shredded 
Sprinkle of chives 

Directions 

Spray nonstick fry pan with cooking spray or melted butter.
Add chicken; cover. Cook 5 minute or until cooked through.
Sprinkle with garlic powder. Add soup and milk. Bring to boil.
Stir in rice and broccoli; cover. Reduce heat to low; simmer 5 minute or till brocolli is tender.
Stir in 1/2 cup of the cheese and chives; Serve and sprinkle with remaining cheese. 

You can always use another fresh vegetable you have on hand for the broccoli, such as very thinly sliced carrot, sugar snap peas, sliced beans, grated zuchinni, corn kernels - or even add a few to total up to no more than 3 cups of veg

The garden is a work in progress - really it has been totally ignored while waiting for a back op, then recovering... Had a friend come in once, but that didn't work out.  Still she did try, always so very trying and that had to wait for me to do *chuckles* Do a better job that way anyhow - you should have seen her planting potatoes in the walk ways, beetroot in silly order - had it been ongoing no doubt the help would have been wonderful, one time does not count too much in my book.  Not if it is thrown back as a 'look what I did, you are so lazy and stupid to do it yourself'  meh - not my problem...  Now we have spinach, lettuce, onion in - carrots, broad beans, peas and more onion in the nursery growing up from seed (busy, busy - lovin' getting the hands dirty) and will now go hunt up the other box of seeds in storage with beetroots, basil and leeks to go in.  And that is only the small beds.

Physio and hydro are moving along - had to make sure I could do that in my time, not a 9am Monday morning when there is the school run, Ballarat winters and those who want to be part of the fun work.  And writing - who would have thought I could get interest in a novel about lies, lust, cheating and rock n roll - actually, just as that it sounds interesting as the synopsis.  Hold the phones - there will be more to come - the rate the world is changing for me by letting one person loose from my life is amazing.  I should take out a few Tatts tickets - I am likely to win that too!!  Cosmosis - sounds like fate, looks like a cocktail, reads like a damn fine soap-opera...



The art of saying NO...                                                            


Honestly, mostly because I am an honest person, I do find it hard to say no, to see people struggle without wishing to assist, to take on the shame and blame of others because they say so - but recently I have discovered I can do this without feeling like I am letting people down or being 'mean'.  I've 'closed' my internal diary to any new requests, appointments or changes by setting September as the time people can get in touch - seriously.  It's been quite hard to say no - but it is easier to say I am stretched at the moment, can you get back to me in a few weeks and I will see if I can make some time.  Not a no, more the maybe, but not a yes either.  Its working too...

For too long it has been a case of 'gee, you are so strong / brave / courageous to get through this (and so many other) adversity' but its not really about the disability - its about the choice on how to see the disability.  To be honest again - I aint dead yet but you'd think to some I was.  So I've made the choice to free myself of that too.  Mental health is a function of choice - so long as it is your decision for you, not to blame or hurt another.  I know for a long time I felt like my choices and options were limited, especially when people in their kindness or selfish / selfcentredness wanted to avoid the real problems. While the journey into physical wellness is by no means over, heck it has barely begun, the new journey into happiness has begun and now it is time to include my depression and anxiety into the wellness programme.  So much of the illnesses, physcial, mental and otherwise, have had symptoms of energy loss, poor concentration, sleep deprivation,  mood swings and withdrawing from pleasurable activities and people.  Hell - I was ready to give up on living altogether - there was a total loss of reality, often reinforced by those I hoped would help and be helped, work as a team, together.  I see now that by avoiding the issues, it was never going to change and by confronting myself with my own honesty, it is actually changing - and the bonus is it is changing for the better for me and my family!!

Oh I could waffle on for ages more, but it is almost time for this little poppet to hit the hay for another day and that last paragraph was a bit like verbal vomit with a touch of diarrhea. *shudders*  Tomorrow is day filled with pantry re-organisation and ideally some awesome pics of the months worth of food will be taken.  I was listening to Dave Ramsey who said we should have 3-6months income on hand for any emergencies - I wonder if having two months cash and 3 months of food in the pantry is enough.  Dave, mate - if you are out there - - let me know. *laughs*

 ♒  If there be time  ♒ 

Give me your hand and we'll see how it goes

Listening to lovers and hearing their woes

Taking a moment to listen and hear

If there be time my dear

Holding the rainbow that stretches the sky

Throwing the birds up to see how they fly

Wondering if she really did care

And if there be time in there

Once in a while a true soul comes to pass

You form a friendship you know it should last

But family, and witches can twist it away

If there be time today

So give me you heart and I'll keep it near

When life is foggy know I'll help it clear

If you're alone and you only hear lies

Know for you I'll have the time

☸

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☮ ❤ ☺

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