I really need to have a few days to download, file, think and sort...
Sadly, habits of old are running the show a bit. Why is it so hard to go to bed at 11pm or so? Why does most of that energy and motivation come in the afternoon and evening, why can't I get it down to being a morning thing? My ideal day would run from 700am to 1100pm ~ earlier on those cold nights when a good book is calling ~ but there is always something else to do, sort, plan... Arrgghh ~~ it IS doing my head in.
OK ~ positive is that I see it, know it, recognise it. Oh but what to do about it. I am a big girl and should be able to just do - and for the most part I do do *grins* but this going to bed, to sleep - do I think I am going to miss out on something? Actually, quick digress, one time we did go to bed at a reasonable hour, the date is even recorded in history, for if we had been up - we would not have slept that night at all. It was Sept 11 ~ about an hour before the first plane hit the Twin Towers. Be assured, I have no regret missing the 'actual' event ~ it will always be remembered.
But what about this booger bear about bed, sleep.
Right in the now, for me, trying to find a way to be a little more slow, steady is impossibly difficult with requirements of others whirring all around - some which cannot be deferred for more than a few days. This year has been an amazing mash of leaps, bounds and ducking getting back into the car, doing the school run, shopping, therapy; dealing with the 'MudGuts' factor, his care plan follow up - not too much, it is his responsibility, however he slips through the cracks, amazing considering his size..! There's been a very sad, confused SmallBoy (although the Happy House stuff has benefited him as much as me in many ways) and my darling Husband - finally work, distance, quality, quantity, inability to be home to help, support, assist and care has become too much and he's resigned. And home, not actually in the way, but not doing things as I kinda hoped. Like doors for the pantry - why buy when I could scavenge, recycle through Freecycle or something?
Sure, we've just been away - most of that prepaid or paid out over time leading up to the week; but we've got some debt to be paid (love that stress), a credit card on full with no September pay). Moneys out there (tax to do, MrCentrelink to sort!) - - I gave myself until end September or start of October to re-open my calendar; only those you need to do as they say (Centrelink, ATO, Mortgage, the Sheriff *sighs*) are interrupting!! As always - over doing it, not getting enough sleep and starting to move into those terrible habits of old. Plus I must get a true recipe plan up because the food is moving into bland, boring and unexcitement again! Just a time vs stress vs panic thing...
Pretty safe to say I reckon I've got a good slap dose of being depressed (but not suicidal, useless yes - but not hopeless because I've seen what I can do!) Where to start - seeing my doctor next week, oh he will think I am a nutter at the end of that appointment!! See I know its a total shambles but there is a lot of good in the rubbish so I don't see why I need to be sad, morose, suicidal to be depressed. I have no idea what 'normal' is any more and if waking up, going to work, coming home is it ~ then I don't want to be normal. But I want to function, be active, do. Knowing that sometimes exaggerating the process works for me - I might try to have an enforced 'post' time of 1030pm being the latest each 'school' night and if I dont make it, I cant post until 800am in the morning. It's a way of being accountable I guess.
Moving on to the positive planning...
Because there is lots of that! Well, its the weekend! Hoping to get a few things underway and done even because Husband is in Melbourne next week helping his mother pack her house for selling (which means our garage needs sorting, tidying, rearranging to accommodate). Visiting on Saturday and dropping eggs off to those we give a dozen here and there. Gave some to the neighbours - I like doing that and know they watch our place when we are not home - and when we are home for that matter *grins* but we can be entertaining and its saving them a few bob going out! They are both elderly, lovely couple and Al is rather unwell so anyone of the inclination to pop a stranger into their prayers, please wish him strength through to and after his op next week. Ta
On the hunt for 3 or 4 doors now for the pantry make-over. I might document that, it could be interesting. We do need to get into the chook pen for a clean out. Sadly MudGuts didn't really look after them all that well while we were away - despite his instance he collected eggs the day of our return, I can see the gate was shut, the chooks locked out and finding 16 odd eggs behind the chook shed indicates at least 3 days worth of eggs. Plus there are more near the car apparently. Can't fool me child! Along with the missing Milo, 3 pkts of corn chips, 2 bottles of juice, 3 tins of soup that I have noticed are gone (plus the fish fingers, sausage rolls and pasta left for him) - looks like he has eaten up a storm. Ce la vie...
The progress of the Veggie beds is not fast ~ we have been away. I cant see any evidence of life in the tubs, but I am not expecting any really *grins* Only been a week and cold, wet conditions. We have some of the following in but we need to get these and the rest in either in the pot nursery set up - or into the Little Beds 1 and 2. BigBed is going to wait until a good lull!! Plus I hope to have a load of nice fertile soil added to supplement the carnage of weeds. If we can get that bed set for the end of the month to sit a little, it should be ready for late October planting - so not focussing there. It is the month of the planting of potatoes! Early crop is ready to go in - doing a mix of soil and hay for this lot.
As for other veggies, well we need to get in (as seeds) some beetroot, carrot, celery, lettuce, peas, pak choy and spinach. Basil can go in as seed in a hot house environment which we would do using soft drink bottles - same with chili and capsicum. This would help with timing out of the tomatoes later down the track. Plus we've onion seedlings ready to move so that is good timing also. The lemon and lime are being repotted into big clay pots so they can grow, but be able to move in a year or two. I'd hate to leave them behind to be honest. Mind you, we're not planning to sell here any time soon. Daffs are in, so are the jonquils and with the pouring rain I can hear over the roof right now, everything is getting a good soak. Oh - gotta lock the chooks...
Ideally there will be big things moved so I can continue with the other 'stuff'. But I really must try this going to bed early so I'll say good night and try to come up with something to end this odd entry.
Where do you want to be ten years from now
he asked, a wize little lad
Will we still be here with friends all around
or exploring, you me and dad
For you know that I've not got a lot to ask
Even when I have much to say
Let me please finish out the year at least
Surely we don't leave today
How funny when a part of comments over heard
Sends thoughts on tangents west
Like when saying one has money for their own poison
Or comments, flippant in jest
I'm not thinking about the time that comes up ahead
Trying hard to be here in the now
Getting peace love and happiness surrounding us here
Without disturbing the flow some how
Getting there!
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