The tightest Tight-Arse Thursday...

This morning saw me barely able to move, function, rouse awake.  I am sick to death of getting a few good days in, then falling in a heap.  Where is the balance, what is the kicker, why is getting up so hard ~ only a little change or help is required, not asking for miracles! *mopes* I know its depression - get that. Kinda sux you know...

Need to share a clip from Spicks n Specks I found last night.  Fair nearly wet myself over a Bieber/Beaver Fever discussion which never made it to air.  Bryan McFaddern you are a funny boy when you get on a roll!!  Spicks n Specks is one show I miss every single Wednesday without fail ~ thank the ABC for crappy budgets because they replay it later in the week.  I still usually miss it, but will catch the last few moments.  


I think part of the reason people who 'know' me don't see how it could be depression because I've got the smile, got the witticism, the ability to see fun, laughs and beauty in things, but its really part of the persona more often seen in public or when trying to 'get over it' ~ even when I read some of the posts days later I think, gawd I am a funny bitch at times, but I remember just how low and dark I was feeling when I wrote the comment, crack or throwaway line and it wasn't funny in my head - much.  By trying to lighten the darkness from others for their sake, perhaps I am not doing myself any favours.


Today I asked the card could things be easier, clearer and not feel so alone.  The Birth of Angels card responded:

You are surrounded with the loving support of the angelic realm. You play an important role on Earth in uplifting of the consciousness of the planet. The angels are here with you to help in every way they can. Remember, you have not been abandoned here. You are not alone on this journey. Your gifts are very special and very needed. These Divine Beings are here with you to aid you in becoming fully who you are truly meant to be. Now you will see your path opening more than ever before.

So I asked do I need to give up habits or unhealthy pleasures (I smoke, I drink, don't fish, but I vote!) as a priority.  The Treasures card was chosen:

What was once hidden from view can now be seen. Laying within you are many inner treasures and gifts. This is your time of discovery. You have special and unique skills that you have hidden, like pearls in a shell. It is happening now. Stay grounded and clear. The spiral in the card shows the Universal energies are working with you to help uncover what lies within. Understand however, that once fully uncovered, you will be asked to use these gifts in service to others and the planet.

It all sounds so positive, indicates all things good ~ maybe I do need to stop fighting myself for 'normality' and go with the flow of ~Mands! for a while.  I don't know. *sighs*

And now for something different:
Soap Nuts ~ I've heard of soap nuts and know people who use them for clothes washing instead of chemical detergents.  What I didn't know is you can use soap nuts in the dishwasher, as a household cleaner and to deter pests from the house and veggie patch!  It makes sense using soap nuts should not be limited to laundry.


While I don't have a cent spare for some time, an Australian company Wild Soapnuts has a brilliant offer so you can try these for yourself for about the same price as your next bottle of detergent.  The 50g Sample Bag  costs only $4.70 and contains enough soapnuts for 20-40 loads of laundry, or a months worth of washing.  That's to 11- 23c per wash. You get the wash bag with your trial size sample bag and the shop has bottles, oils and more for making a liquid solution (or you can buy it). If you do happen to buy some, let them know you read it here!!


Coz I have been hunting to see if I can get a sample, to give it a real shot and see for myself how soap nuts work. *grins*  As I do!  Plus I might see if I can get a 'kit' from someone for my birthday or Christmas. Or we'll save up and aim for Mother's Day next year.  I've laundry detergent to last, soap to grate should we run out, recipes to make with items I do have to keep us clean and fresh. I actually want to see if I can use it in the toilet for cleaning as it we are on septic and I don't like using those toilet ducks and muck for cleaning.  We've not had a single problem with our septic, its not needed emptying or neutralising once in the past five years and I'd like it to stay that way.  It's healthy, happy and bubbles away underground.


Feeling a little inspired because I was talking and thinking about it - I've given the loo a scrub, restarted the fire and actually got the kitchen looking reasonable.  Even got to the dining table so we can eat there tonight. Which is how the follow decision came about...




The SMART CHANGE Home
Huston ~ we have problem.  The systems' indicate they are here and willing, the motivation is ready to be stoked, the occupants need to get involved and stop preparing, planning and procrastinating by doing.  As this weekend has plans and really, despite previous dates, Husband is home in full mind, body and spirit over this weekend, the start date is Monday 13 September for the activation of SMARTER CHANGES.  


I see it like a moving house, but staying where we are.  Our BIG brick wall is the amount of crap, stuff and clutter we have gained, saved, been given and scavenged.  Just call us colour-blind bower birds.  OK, just call us unorganised hoarders...


Task one is to 'pack the house for moving'.  Aside from beds, essential bathroom needs, minimal kitchen, just the basic of the basics ~ we have until the end of the month to 'pack the house'.  Items that need sorting will be boxed into the spare room and brought out into the 'new house'.  Items that do not need to be used or considered for a month will be boxed into the garage.  This must include clothes, shoes, books, linen, lego, toys, bags, bags, coats, games, stationary, samples, kitchen utensils, nick-knacks.  As severe as it sounds I'd like 50 boxes of essential items, needs and wants - the rest is for sale, for gifts, for Salvos, foregone, forgotten.  THAT would be wonderful.


Every day, two boxes must be filled - one to go, one to keep/sort.  We've never done this well and the 'expert packer' is no longer available to me.  As it is not a 'real' move, it would not be considered as relevant or requiring assistance anyway.  Man ~ I need a stranger to come in, no judgement or opinion, and keep us on track.  Maybe photographing and posting the progress will do - its my blog and I can fill it as I wish.  




Oh my...
Had a funny chat about merkins ~ thanks to this advertised 'delight'.  It's an "exotic wire thong", complete with leopard skin colouring.  Have you ever seen anything like it since Borat's man-kini??  Makes me a little squirmy ~ and not in a good way!  I'll admit to finding the ol g-string and thong quite comfy but this seems to me aiming for the bum-hole for securing, with a small pointy bit at that, and I don't think I like the idea, let alone the sensation!  Lordy jimney, the things people buy...

  

And from here I report I've not had any outgoings today ~ what a relief!  Not a cent has been used anywhere for anything!  Husband bought his ticket home last night, family payment comes in tomorrow - things should be ok for the weekend and next week.  I've carried over the amount from the electricity and gas, put that into the mortgage for this week.  With the family payment, we'll have $50 for the week, and no where to go and spend it because I still have my $20 voucher.  Might go get butter...


Oh no ~ bin night and I cant remember if it is just rubbish or both this week.  We've missed the last few, not that we create a huge amount of rubbish - we tend to collect it, hoard it... *chuckles* well it is sort of true.  Man ~ I just want SPACE...




Where to from here:
Oh thank god it is Friday has never been more apt.  Just chatted to Husband, dear chap is home tomorrow, and said I think I am more a depressed mess that I think I am admitting to myself.  He said well done.  Part of the reason for him not working is to help me and being so far away at any given time meant this was not possible.  He really is stepping in to be a carer - not just to me, also to the SmallBoy.  I do do good ~ I just need to stop trying to get it all right at once.


With Husband home, I will not stress about the hours of my routine.  So long as I make my exercise therapy class and hydrotherapy sessions, plus counselling and doctors, then the hour structure is not the priority.  So long as Husband can ensure his timetable works in with the SmallBoys morning requirements and can take on things like floors, ceilings and hanging out washing (plus some of the more physical stuff), I know I can manage the rest without pressure.  Once that peace, calm and happiness balances with the stress, worry and fear-of-failure-so-I-wont-bother-at-all feelings, I can look to making small, steady changes to the time frame.  Not sure if all would agree - I feel this would work for me.


Tired - still haven't seen the doc about meds or the new patch prescription which I need for the weekend.  Might head in after the school run and see who I get.  Hate it when my doctor is on holidays. But it might be good to see him next month with a list of here's what we need to do and how (of sorts) ~ Mike is the type of doctor who takes into account what you'd prefer and is welcoming to wanting to look at alternatives, check into what you are doing, offer alternatives to consider and occasionally say his way is the only way, this time.  I think this is better rather than here's a dose of tablets, then send you on your way any day.


Night all - Tight-arse Thursday has come to a successful end (for the pocket).  Here's to tomorrow...

Hear the owl call in the night

No one is here; all is right

Watch the stars sparkle in the sky

With the moon; way up high

Over yonder hear the calling

Children home; night is falling

Through the window see the life

Happy families; no more strife

Smell the fragrance of the fire alight

Close the curtains; Sweet Dreams, Good Night 

"Girls in bed over Beaver fever..."  Still laughing!